This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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