I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
