Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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