I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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