youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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