I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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