Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
