Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
dude i'm inner monologue high
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
