I have demons in me.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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