I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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