Just cropdusted the office
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
