I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
