I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
We have started to decorate penises.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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