my soul wont recognize me after tonight
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
