he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
