Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
