I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
