I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
