I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
