it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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