never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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