apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
