My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
