Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
