my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
