did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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