But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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