I didn't shave. On purpose
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
