Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
