How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize