what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
