You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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