So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
