I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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