Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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