Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
