I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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