I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
