were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
