I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Are these your boobs on my camera?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize