i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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