Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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