somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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