remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
