first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
