No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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