Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
