By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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