listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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