i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
