Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize