but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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