In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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