look no pants
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
