U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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