Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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