we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
