Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
