Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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