hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Blood and glitter go together right?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
