I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
