My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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