yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
