Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
