she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
just come out here and I will go home with you...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
