I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
