so explain again why im purple
no
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
