I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Randomize
