i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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