He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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