the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
