it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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