You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
