she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
