White coat. Heels.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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