New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
smell my finger.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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