Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
