my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
