Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
