Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
