She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
