You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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