Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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