i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
