I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
