I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
