apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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