You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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