I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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