he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
