But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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