it wasn't lemon gatorade
He had one of those small greek statue penises
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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