Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize