just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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