like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just threw up on my dentist
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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