At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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