my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
