You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
