I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
