just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
