was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
