all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize